I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
