what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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