**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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