the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
