and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
