Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
