they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
