Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
