Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
