I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
