I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
