The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
