He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
