I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We are all done wearing pants today
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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