Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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