just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
