u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My vagina is officially offended.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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