If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
