This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
