She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
