How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
