Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
