Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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