Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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