He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
