This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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