I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
