i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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