i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
