I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
