I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
