So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Small penises have feelings too.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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