halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
