Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
