This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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