so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
