fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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