She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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