Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
