i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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