yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
