I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
