I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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