The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
