I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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