marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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