Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
