Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He passed out mid-signature
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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