We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
