I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
