Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
