I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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