im drinking this country out of the recession.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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